
I never liked the G.I. Joe franchise, particularly the patriotic bullcrap it mostly spewed through its toy line and comics stories. And I had no intention of watching
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, but our office gave us a free screening of it, so I had no choice.
That said, I found the film surprisingly okay--not good, but just okay. The movie's nothing more than a live-action cartoon, or a 2-hour toy commercial (take your pick), with the actors giving hammy, cartoony performances complete with stupid lines that clearly give away its intended target audience, which are 5-12 year old kids.
Characters have inane, "creative" nicknames like Snake Eyes, Ripcord, Breaker, Heavy Duty, etc., you get the idea...I assume there's someone named "Douchebag" somewhere in that line up. The actor who plays the lead, Duke, does a magnificent job of playing an action figure--he's so wooden and lifeless that they could've replaced him with an animated cardboard cut-out and no one will notice.
And why would a para-military outfit have a ninja as one of its members--wtf? He doesn't say anything, which is probably just as well; unfortunately, the same can't be said of the villain ninja (yes, there's another one), who tries so hard to act cool, but ends up looking like an annoying, gay-looking, white-clad prick.
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra is directed by Stephen Sommers, the guy who gave us movies with extreme overuse of CGI:
The Mummy, The Mummy Returns, and
Van Helsing. He does the same here, with scenes overloaded with too much CGI that they become unintentionally hilarious.
One thing I noticed here though, Hasbro spared no expense in making this movie, and it showed. They also seem to hate Paris a lot, as they've tried to destroy the city twice now in their films: the first was in
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, and now here. But I actually enjoyed this movie better than the Transformers sequel, which really isn't saying much.
The final battle scenes appear to have been copied directly from the
Star Wars films, particularly
The Return of the Jedi--the Joes' attack on Cobra base looked exactly like the X-Wing attack on the Death Star, and the battle between the two ninjas looked similar to the battle between Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker. Hell, even the design of the circular frame windows in Cobra base is similar to the windows of the Death Star and Imperial Tie Fighters. Homage or rip-off?
I guess
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra can be compared to a roller coaster ride--it's an okay popcorn movie, so just enjoy the ride while you can and hope it's over soon. However, unlike roller coasters, this is one ride that I don't want to repeat.